Tuesday, October 4, 2016

A strange border crossing

A couple of weeks ago I met an old curling friend for golf. After a short discussion we decided to play in Canada. I crossed over the border one Sunday, we played 18 holes, went to a pub and grub for a couple pints and some, well, grub, decided to hit the links again soon, and parted ways.

It was next, in my return to these United States, that the story became in my mind kinda weird.

I stopped at the guard booth and dutifully handed the attendant my enhanced license. "Citizenship?" he asked brusquely.

You just swiped my license, so you know the answer to that, I thought brusquely myself. But I obediently answered, "U.S."

"Purposely of your trip?"

"I was golfing with a Canadian curling friend."

The man turned to look at me and asked, I thought rather harshly, "What have you got against golf in the United States?"

"N, nothing," I heard myself stammer. "We just decided to golf in Canada."

He began staring me down, and I have to admit I was starting to feel intimidated, "Why would you decide that?"

"Well, no big reason. It seemed cheaper for me cross the border and pay in Canadian dollars, that's all."

"So what's your problem with US dollars?" continued the interrogation.

I wasn't sure how to answer that, as I love US dollars as much as anybody. So much so that I get paid in them. I responded meekly, "It just seemed cheaper."

The guard harrumphed, and turned to look at his monitor. "And how did you meet this 'curling friend'?" I swear you could see the quote marks in the air.

I really wasn't sure how to answer that; from his tone it didn't appear as though there was a right answer. "Uh, well, curling?" It even sounded to me like I responded with the lilt of a question. That's not gonna help here, I thought with no small fear.

He asked, "Do you have your clubs with you?"

"Yes. In the back of my van." I stupidly indicated where the back of my van was with a twist of my head. I told you I was golfing; why wouldn't I bring my clubs home?

"What kind are they?" he demanded.

I answered incredulously, "Clevelands." Where's he going with this?

The guard turned again to me, handed me back my license, smiled broadly and said in the happiest tone, "Good choice. Have a nice day!"

I don't know about you, but it struck me a rather bizarre return interview.

No comments: