Not Hot

Me Grandpa Joe had a good work ethic and a good moral code. He also liked deals on tools, but they had to be on the level.

One day a guy came by the Shop, I'll call him Cloyce just to give him a name, who was known to be shady. He was trying to sell Joe an acetylene torch. Grandpa was skeptical.

Sensing the dilemma, Cloyce sought to reassure me Grandpa. "It ain't hot, Joe, I stole it in Baltimore!"

Joe didn't buy it. I suspect he invited Cloyce off the property in his own genteel manner.

Misreading Dials and Other Nonsense

Yesterday at work I was finishing a repair. Specifically, I was reinstalling a pulley on a motor. But darn it all, I couldn't find the set screw which was necessary to secure the pulley to the motor shaft. I finally gave up and got another screw, which promptly would not start at the threaded place designed especially for it. 

It wouldn't start because the original set screw was in the way. It had already been started. By me. How am I supposed to find things when they're already where they should be?

As if that wasn't enough, as I drove out to Ferndale to make a delivery I noticed the tiny sliver of a red arm on a gauge on the dashboard had approached the high mark. Just what I need, methinks, the motor is running hot or some such debacle. Yet closer inspection showed it was the gas gauge, doing its job by letting me know I had 7/8 of a tank of gas. No overheating, no low oil pressure, no engine issue at all. You've got gas, Marty, exactly as you should. 

Some days...

 

Negatively Positive?

I've said before that a part of me almost likes negative reviews of my books more than positive. Yet the truly fascinating reviews are the ones which show that something I've written engages a reader even if it doesn't enthrall them.

One such reviewer of my first novel A Subtle Armageddon explained: 

The book follows a man who's in an almost dreamlike state, navigating the world, and finding enlightenment. It has thoughtful themes and unexpected twists. Despite its slow pacing, it is pretty interesting in some parts. It can be a challenging read, but it does leave an impression.

A challenging read which leaves an impression. I like that. Though the fellow only gave me three out of five stars in the Amazon rating system, I'm encouraged. It's an honest assessment, and not really negative. I like that he thought enough of it to remark on the book. 

Part of my goal is to get people thinking about the big questions: Why are we here? How are we supposed to live? What is right, really right for its own sake, and what is really wrong and why we should avoid it. I simply cannot accept the argument that we're just here, to no purpose. And that purpose must be true and valuable in itself, knowable through the natural world, existing regardless of our own thoughts and, ugh, feelings.

A Subtle Armageddon is available here if I've piqued your interest.

No Real Help

I don't mind assisting people. I really don't. If you need help, I will aid you if I can. But holding your hand is a whole 'nuther story.

Awhile back, a customer called for advice. That's cool; perfectly fine. Indeed it's part of the job, and I readily accept it on that level. Shoot. Tell me how I can help.

He described the problem exactly; indeed his diagnosis was spot on. I told him what he needed and that I could sent it right out. He offered thanks, but explained that he had the part I described, knew its application and that it could be used to solve the issue he had (which, I remind you, he understood thoroughly). He simply wanted to make sure how to employ the tool before he tried it.

Oh-kay. You understood the issue. You had the part which you knew would address it, and fully comprehended how to employ it. But you called me to be even more certain. 

Why not? I have nothing else to do. Take five minutes of my time. Ask my advice when you are already 100% sure of the answer. Don't think twice about it.

Of course I did not express such sentiments to the man. That doesn't mean I can't think them.

Loose Wires

A good theft protection system on your car can cost a couple hundred bucks easily. Well, back in the day we had a cheap and easy theft protection system. We took off the wire which went from the coil to the distributor on our old cars. Forty years ago no engine was going to start, no way no how, without the coil connected to the distributor. It was foolproof.

I don't know if it's that simple anymore, as ol' Marty is way behind on car technology. I'm not sure who came up with the idea but I think it was either me Pops or me Grandpa Joe. Smart guys, them Cosgriffs.

Sure, it was a bit of nuisance to pop the hood and remove the coil wire, especially late at night or in the winter or even just after a long day. But that last person who drove a given car on a given day (we traded cars back and forth a lot in 1979) had to remember to get the coil wire.

It wasn't so bad. Things were helped by the fact that most coil wires attached the same way, meaning you didn't have to keep them sorted. You just grabbed one in the morning and put it on whatever vehicle you meant to drive. It was weird to sometimes see a small pile of seemingly random short black wires on the old man's desk though. 

Sure, you'd have the occasional aggravation of absent mindedly getting out to a car and have the engine turn over for several seconds without even trying to start before it dawned on you there was no coil wire. You'd have to march back into the house to get one. It was not unlike the I forgot my mask feeling I'm sure most of us have felt a couple years ago.

But, hey, you still had the car rather than some miscreant.

World Changing

I was in Walmart yesterday, buying a pair of shoes if you must know, when after satisfying that need I wandered around the store a bit just to see what might catch my eye. Yes, I'm becoming a shopper. I'll stop. Don't want you lose my man card.

While checking out coffee I went on to look at tea. As I held a box of English Breakfast tea in my hands (which I like; I could be slowly losing my Irish card too) I saw a cup of tea displayed on the wrapper. Under the cup were the words 'Serving suggestion'.

Well, this changes everything. I can't tell you how many times in my life I was standing in the kitchen with a tea bag in hand and a whistling kettle on the stove, frantically thinking, "How can I make this work?" All I want is a cup of tea. But if I pour the hot water over the bag it will create a mess on the floor. If I hold the bag in my hand and add water I'll scald myself badly. What can I do?

I can put it all in a porcelain cup! I bet even a ceramic mug would do. No more burned hands for this old boy, I tell you what.

Seriously, though: does Twinings Tea actually believe that a picture of hot tea in a cup enhances the chance of a sale? Have people really been thinking, That's it! I can make my tea in a cup. Now I'll buy more.

Somebody isn't getting their money's worth out of their promotional budget if you ask me.

Amos and Joe feud over locks

Me Grandpa Joe and Amos Sheffield were great friends. I've wrote about that here:

https://thesublimetotheridiculous.blogspot.com/2018/10/amos-and-alice.html

I've wrote about in other spots too but that should illustrate my point. But as good friends share many episodes in life, there are other examples with which to regale you. Here is one such other.

Joe and Amos once bought a car together. Now, Joe never was one to lock his car. I don't know why. I will not even conjecture as to why. Joe did what he did because that was what he done. That's just how it was.

Amos always locked his car doors. This included the car he owned with his good friend Joe. It would infuriate Joe whenever he went to drive the thing to find the doors locked. Granted, it was even back in the day a simple thing to unlock a car door. No matter to Joe; locking cars, again, was not what he did.

He finally confronted Amos about it, insisting his buddy not lock the car. "It's my car too, Joe, and I prefer to lock the doors," Amos insisted.

As a gentleman always seeking compromise above all (how many of my friends and relatives who knew Joe Cosgriff are snickering right now, I wonder?) Joe retorted, "Well it's half my car, so my two doors stay unlocked!"

You can't meet anyone halfway better than that now, can you?