The World As I Know It

I don't know what to think for 2014. I don't know what to expect. It's all a mystery, really. I don't think I've ever been so uncertain in all my life.

I've committed my sins, and I'm truly sorry for them. Most were really stupid, so stupid in fact that I should have never fallen under their spell, and a moment of real thought would have made me avoid them. I allowed myself to be seduced by the future and fell prey to the unwritten. I would have seen what an idiot I was being, and with the least bit of thought I would have done the right thing in the end. I ignored the moment each time. Now I pay for those moments of nonthought. Quite frankly, that is as it should be. Know thyself, the philosopher says. I did not know myself well enough.

The future is actually quite bright for me. It is in detail unknown to me, but truly quite bright. But until recently it had seemed well written. Until the last year it seemed that I understood it. There is a trepidation about it that makes me uncomfortable even though I feel confident. I do not deserve what I may, by all what is good, merit. Perhaps I do not merit it; that is my fear.

There is fear and their is confidence. There is an irony which I do appreciate, and there is a lesson in that. The lesson is that we reap what we sow, and what we reap plays all ways. I do hope that what I have sown somehow plays for me. Even though I do not deserve that.