The advantage of the curmudgeon

I have said before that I want to be a curmudgeon. You may wonder why someone so lovable as myself might actually wish to become such a person.

Go ahead. Ask. I'm waiting, so long as a curmudgeon may deign to ask.

Deign. What a delightfully curmudgeonly word when said snidely. I deign to ask that. I deign thou to deny me my right to ask that.

You do not. Ask, that it is. Nor deny me my right to respond. I shall answer anyway. I shall deign (ha, ha, ha) to answer your unasked address.

It is because I am increasingly aged. That, by itself, allows me to ask questions ordinarily dismissed as impertinent. I am increasingly older. Therefore, I am increasingly curmudgeonly. All will love me and despair!

You see, curmudgeons are loved because they are curmudgeons. They are too old to be held accountable, let alone responsible. They ask all the questions no one else will ask because they will not be seen as impertinent. Old curmudgeons are always seen as cute. You. Lose.

That's why I want to be a curmudgeon. I'm ahead of the curve.