Tier 55

Today I take a day off work (I'm the boss; I can do that) to curl in a bonspiel. A bonspiel is an odd way to say tournament, but that's okay. I think you have to be slightly odd to want to curl. Remember before your ire is raised that I'm a curler along with you. Unless, that is, your issue is in fact being associated with Marty in any way, shape, or form, at which point you can...

Okay, what was my original point? Ah, yes. This bonspiel is a Tier 55 tournament, which means you have to be over 55 in order to play. My fake birth certificate attests that I am. Those truly old enough to qualify won't know what hit them.

All right, what was I going for here really? Right: these tournaments are called Tier 55 because they can't be called Senior Bonspiels as they once were because the PC crowd has invaded even curling. We can't upset older curlers with the insult senior, so we alter the title.

The fact is, none of us old duffers care. We just want to curl. We don't care what you think about our age. We pay the fee, we throw stones, we have a few pops afterwards. What harm are you protecting us from? What evil threatens our supposedly fragile psyches?

I'm going curling today with a bunch of old guys who want to curl. If that's good enough for us, the details ain't none of your business. Go save some other frail mind who has no understanding of the real world. We're all right with ourselves. And that's the truth.