SpongeBob Umpire

I'm not a fan of the Nickelodeon cartoon character SpongeBob Squarepants. But I could get to like his theme song, if adapted as a Columbus Clippers fan suggested when I attended a game one Saturday night. 

Baseball batters often have 'walk up' music, which is played when they approach home plate for an at bat. One player chose the SpongeBob opening. The first verse begins "Whoooo lives in a pineapple under the sea?" The response is an enthusiatic "SpongeBob Squarepants!" To give you an idea of how the song bounces about, here it is: SpongeBob Theme

As it turned out, the home plate umpire in the game was having a bad time of it that evening. At one point a spectator behind me began his own version of SpongeBob: "Whooooo wants to put umpires under the sea?" 

It's really fun if you sing the refrain afterwards.

Umpire Steak

Me Uncle John sometimes called Zeke, me old golf buddy from back in the day, had his own special form of humor. When he got on a roll I would laugh until I cried.

He had this story where he and another driver for Grandpa Joe, I'll call him Cloyce just to give him a name, were racing south on Interstate 75, each with a truckload of welding machines, weaving in and out of traffic trying to best each other, to get to their destination first, recklessly tearin' up jack, all the while being trailed by an undertaker in anticipation of business. That was one hilarious tale. I wish I could recreate me Uncle's style when he was on his game. He could make you laugh until you hurt. Really. But I can't recreate it, so I won't even attempt that. I will, however, tell you one of his favorite, more droll jokes.

There was at one time, there probably still is I would assume, a school in Florida ran by MLB which trained its on field baseball officials. Uncle John used to say that if he had the money he would open up a restaurant directly across the street from the place. It would specialize in beef entrees. He would name his restaurant...

...wait for it...

...the Umpire Steak Building.

I have always liked that quip. Thanks Zeke.

No respect

I'll tell ya I don't any respect, he said. And no doubt respect was something Rodney Dangerfield lacked. But do you know who get even less? Umpires.

Sadly, I think a lot of it is deserved. If the strike zones that the TV broadcasters superimpose over home plate are any accurate indication, they miss about 1 pitch in 4.

I can remember the organist at Comiskey Park in Chicago riling the umpires during the 1970s by playing Three Blind Mice when they came onto the field.

Even Harry Truman got into the act. The former President once quipped, "As I boy I couldn't see well enough to play ball, so they gave me a special job. They made me an umpire."

Kinda sums it up, eh? The lack of respect for the profession.