Small Change

Me brother Phil has a reputation for being tight. Just how tight, well, it would hardly qualify as family lore if the accusation wasn't blown up beyond reasonable proportions now, would it?

Yesterday he drove me to the mechanic to pick up my new old van. The total for the repairs was $694.55; not bad really, considering the muffler, blower motor, and turn signal assembly were replaced.

I handed the cashier seven one hundred dollar bills. She opened the till and gave me back five singles, but then looked up in embarrassment. "I don't seem to have any coins," she told me.

"Ah, don't worry about forty-five cents," I replied. At that point from behind me came an audible gasp, so loud that it quieted the entire room. It nearly took the air out of it.

The love of money, dude. The love of money.

Why I like Jimmy King

I first met Jimmy about 30 years ago, a grand old Scotsman with many a fine tale, after a bonspiel (curling tournament) at the Detroit Curling Club. We were talking after a game. He noticed my name tag and he comments, "Cosgriff? Is Welsh is it?"

I replied, "I don't think so. My cousin Beth has traced our family to north Tipperary in Ireland."

Jimmy replies, "Ah, Irish, Scottish, Welsh. All Gaelic. We all have the one thing in common."

"What's that, Jimmy?" I asked in curious reply.

"We hate the English."

We have been good friends ever since.

Niece's knees

I am far too proud of the little joke I made last night. But that never stopped me before.
I curl on Tuesday nights this season. Our lead is from Scotland, and still has much of the accent to prove it. At one point he turned to our skip, who is having issues with his knees, and asked, "How's your knees?" It sounded vaguely like 'kneese'.
So I said, "Why are you asking about his niece?"
The Scotsman seemed to ponder what I asked for a moment, then looked over at me like, ha, ha, very funny.
Well, clever more than funny. In my opinion.

When Marty met Jimmy

I first met Jimmy about 25 years ago, a grand old Scotsman with many a fine tale, after a bonspiel (curling tournament) at the Detroit Curling Club. We were talking after a game. He noticed my name tag and he comments, "Cosgriff? Is Welsh is it?"

I replied, "I don't think so. My cousin Beth has traced our family to north Tipperary in Ireland."

Jimmy replies, "Ah, Irish, Scottish, Welsh. All Gaelic. We all have the one thing in common."

"What's that, Jimmy?" I asked in curious reply.

"We hate the English."

We have been good friends ever since.