Zeke's Answer for Everything

We all, well, many of us anyway, daydream of coming into big money. You know, winning the lottery or the like. Me Uncle John who I sometimes call Zeke was no different. He dreamed of winning the lottery. Indeed, he was quite prepared for it. He had in truth determined the very first thing he would do if he won. Seeing as folks like to hit you up for money if they thought you had a pile, Zeke said that if the big bucks came his way he would begin answering every single question No. Then he would answer the actual question.

"Hey John, how are today?"

"No. I'm doing great, thanks for asking."

"How about this fine weather we been having, John?"

"No. It's been pleasant, hasn't it? I might go golfing."

"What are doing for dinner today Zeke?"

"No. Well, I believe I have a taste for Mexican, now that you got me thinking about it."

Such a kidder. Until I realized he meant it.

Sunday morning downer

Yeah, why not use Sunday, the penultimate day of the week, the day we relax and refresh ourselves and our psyches, the day we look upon the coming week as chock full of possibility and potential-fulfillment, as a day to pop balloons? Because let's face it: in the world of axioms and catchphrases meant to inspire, some are just plain wrong.

We try to inspire our kids by saying they can be anything they want to be. But they can't. There are too many people and too many things beyond their control working against them. We simply cannot, by force of will and the power of daydreams, be anything we want to be. Some teacher or interviewer simply won't like you. Your path will be blocked. That's life.

You can if you think you can, we are told. Well, refer back to what I just said. Because, no you can't. You can't be a walrus without a lot of miracles. Or a lot of expensive surgery. Or eating just far too much.

Never give up! But, you know, sometimes the smart thing is exactly the opposite. Sometimes you need to give up; sometimes it is the best thing to do. Sometimes it's the only thing to do: there are no other options. Nothing. There are times to cut bait.

Follow your dreams! Do we actually want to be walking the hallways of our schools in our underwear?

There, now. Still looking forward to the week?

What I could buy with enough money

What would I do if I had all the money in the world?

I'd get lawn service before anything else. I hate yard work with a passion.

I would buy a Stradivarius, but only allow Orange Blossom Special to be played on it. Okay, and The Devil Went Down to Georgia. It's just a fancy fiddle after all, isn't it?

I would completely rehabilitate the Old Barn. Lord knows she needs it.

I'd donate heavily to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.

I'd buy seasons tickets for one year only for the Detroit Tigers, and go to every game that year. And make someone else bring me hot dogs of course. Hell, I might even ride the Ferris Wheel and Merry Go Round. Or at least pay for a couple hundred kids to ride them.

Yeah, my dreams are simple.