O'Rourke and Dentistry

P. J. O'Rourke was one of my favorite pundits. His missive All the Trouble in the World still leaves me roaring with laughter, even on the fifth read. 

He remarked once that for all the people who wished they had lived at earlier times in our history, he had one word: dentistry. Before modern dental practices, dentistry was painful. Oh, it may not be a walk in the until yet. But at least there are anesthetics and pain killers.

I think he's onto something.

Not So Bad

I've heard of painless dentistry but I didn't really believe in it. But now I think I do. 

I had a tooth extracted yesterday, and boy, was I dreading it. That my appointment was at five o'clock in the afternoon likely did not help. It gives you all day to think about it; anticipation is not a friend when getting a tooth pulled. The closer the time came the less fun Wednesday became.

However, it wasn't bad at all. Believe it or not, the numbing shot wasn't painful in the least. I didn't even feel it. Then he had the tooth out in maybe a half minute. I didn't believe him, didn't believe he was actually done that fast. But he was. The wound remaining hardly bled too.

All that worry and dread for nothing. Typical, isn't it?

Dental Veterinarians

Did I tell you about my dentist appointment last week? I did? Well, I'm sure I didn't tell you enough, so pull up a chair.

I'm getting crowns and a bridge, so they wanted to make molds of my teeth. As any of you who have had teeth molds made know, the excess of whatever gunk dentists use to make them tends to make you gag. So of course I began to gag. The dental assistant instructed me to 'breath through your nose and wiggle your toes'. Very Suessian. "It distracts the brain from the gag reflex," she somewhat helpfully explained. 

Consequently, I tried my best to become a nose breather and wiggling my nine-and-a halfs, wondering all the while where the candid camera was mounted, expecting to become the next internet sensation.

Later, the dentist and the DA (dental assistant - not what you just thought) were visually examining the alignment of my teeth. I kept my mouth closed while the dentist pulled my lips back with his fingers to see what things looked like. All I could think was, so this is what a horse feels like. Which leads me to the question:

Are dentists and vets all that different?

What Today Brings

Yesterday I had dental work done. It was supposed to be this Thursday, tomorrow as it is now, but my dentist had a spot come open at 5:30 Tuesday so I took it. May as well get things over with, right?

Almost immediately upon accepting the change of plans, the dread set in. No one really looks forward to major dental work, do they? Certainly not I. Now instead of living through the mental agony of the wait on Thursday I got to live through it Tuesday. Oh joy, oh rapture.

But that has its advantages. Tomorrow it'll be all behind me, and I'll get to watch baseball Opening Day live. My beloved Detroit Tigers first pitch of the season is set for 3:10 Thursday. I'd likely miss it if bound to the dentist's chair in the dental lair. Believe it or not, I nearly rescheduled my original appointment simply to catch the opener. Honest. Things, then, may be working out well after all.

As to the tooth work done and how I feel, well, that's Thursday's blog now, isn't it? Hopefully I won't be like Dr. Smith. You know, Dr. Smith: "Oh the pain, the pain." The accidental stowaway from Lost in Space? Remember he and the Robot and Will Robinson used to hang out. Do I have to explain everything?