A bad pun

For about 45 years, my grandfather rented welding equipment. This included arc welders which had either 4 or 6 cylinder gasoline engines hooked onto generators to create the heat needed for making a weld. They were portable; they could be towed behind a car or truck from job to job on tires similar to what you find on cars and small trucks. You've probably seen them and mistaken them for air compressors.

One day my Uncle John was towing one of them back to grandpa's shop. He had just noticed a vibration when his pickup ground to a halt. A wheel bearing had gone bad and a tire came off the axle of the welder. This made the machine drop to one side and act as an anchor, which stopped the truck quickly and suddenly. Uncle John looked in the rear view mirror, helplessly watching the disconnected tire bounce across 4 lanes of traffic until it slammed against a parked car, severely damaging it. He knew he would have to go find the owner and do what he could to get the guy's car fixed.

About then the owner ran from his house waving his arms and vigorously exercising his vocal cords, obviously and understandably upset at the incident. But all Zeke could think was, "You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel."

Good, huh?

Thursday Fun

Did you hear about the guy who was stealing appendages from the mannequin factory?

He was found guilty of armed robbery.

Look, I didn't sleep well last night, okay?

The Master Quips

Look, I know the old saw about going to the well too often. Yesterday's blog was filler, something I put together in the wee hours of Wednesday because I had to leave on a business trip at 2:30 AM and needed to get a few new words out into the ether. A blogger is supposed to blog every day, even just a sentence or two.

Here's today's bit of filler.

Many of us are familiar with Alfred Hitchcock Presents; I mentioned watching it just yesterday in fact. Hitch lead in and offered exit messages on each show's episode. Once he mentioned having sympathy with a character having wardrobe troubles. "I myself was once arrested for indecent exposure. It was when I removed my mask at a Halloween gala."

Some days I just shine in another's light.

Getting Another Opinion

Being up early in the morning means watching a bit of TV. Watching TV means watching commercials. Surprise, surprise.

I saw one ad this morning about a guy who had trouble with his hands cramping. As the script played out, he went to one specialist who couldn't help. Seeking relief, he decided to go to a second hand doctor. I thought, I'm not sure if that's a good idea.

I know, I know. I'll show myself out.

Sundae Sermon

My next blog will be a diatribe about how to make ice cream treats. It will be a sundae sermon.

Come on, I warned you with the title...  

Beware of Internet Purchases

You gotta be careful what you order off the internet. 

To help protect my property I ordered attack trees. They didn't work out at all. Their bark was worse than their bite.

Aren't you glad you took a moment out of your life for this?

Rene's birthday

Everybody has a birthday, right? Why, even the most profound philosophers have birthdays. Rene Descartes, the great French philosopher, was born on this day in 1596. He was the one famous for declaring, "I think, therefore I am," as proof that he existed.

Poor Rene fell victim to his own beliefs, sadly. As Rene was sitting at the bar one evening, the barkeep noticed his patron's drink had gone empty. "Would you like another one?" the man innocently asked.

Rising to leave Rene answered, "I think not."  And he disappeared.

Poor Rene.

A Marty joke

Yesterday I offered one of me Pops favorite jokes. Today I offer one of mine.

I went into a bar and asked for punch. The bartender told me that if I wanted that I had to wait in line.

I looked around and looked around. But there wasn't a punch line.

Being silly on Saturday

One of my favorite cartoons as a kid was Scooby Doo, Where are You! According to Wikipedia, that pseudo-trustworthy source of information, the series began in 1969. Why an exclamation point rather than a question mark was used in the title I'll leave to the professional grammarians for debate. They seem to love such argumentation.

Anyway, it was the first TV show that I remember making it a point to watch. True, nine year old kids in that day lived for Saturday mornings as at that time Saturday mornings were devoted to kids programming. But I woke up early in those days specifically to make sure I didn't miss an episode, even though I don't think it was on until mid-morning, 9:30 or 10, something like that. I liked the show that much.

Everyone knows that Scooby along with Shaggy are the comic relief in the series. But I think Scooby was in fact, in some secret life, and emergency room doctor. Just listen to the lyrics: the second verse starts with, "Come on Scooby Doo, ICU." As in, to the ICU, stat, doctor.

As though he was needed, immediately, for his medical expertise.

Like he had to rush straight away to help some poor soul in physical distress.

You know, doctors, ICU, puns, plays on words and so on?

I, I'll stop now. I know I'm forcing it.

Sharp objects

As I drove along Grand River Avenue outside of Detroit the other day, I saw a tool shop. It had a large sign in front which announced proudly, 'We sharpen anything!'

Really, thought I. How about, ahem, my wit?

I am far too proud of that one.

Half in jest

Remember a few days ago, I blogged about the jokes that sometimes just pop into my mind? How some of them were silly, and some actually rather crass, or at least of questionable taste? I've had another crass one I'm afraid.
I was leaving a funeral home the other afternoon (you know, the other one), to find that an ambulance was sitting in the parking lot, lights flashing. I immediately thought, "Aren't you guys a little late?"
Am I a bad person?

It's coming: the world's greatest joke

We all have one, don't we? That one favorite joke which we find hilarious but which anyone else would only roll their eyes over. But we think it the world's greatest joke.

My personal favorite is rather convoluted. It takes a few minutes to tell, but for my money it's worth the punchline. You must appreciate puns to appreciate it yourself. In this case, it's a very clever pun more than worth the set up. Honest!

It has produced groans. It has produced, I swear it's true, laughter. Genuine, heartfelt laughter; and not just from me. It has also produced "You kept my attention for five minutes for that?" from a good friend. Hey, good jokes run the spectrum of reaction.

One day I'll tell it. I'll write it down right here and you can judge for yourself. Once I do, you will love me or hate me for it. It's that good of a joke.

Hopefully you're hating me right now for whetting your appetite but not telling the tale right here and now. Gosh, I hope so. If I haven't done that, then what's the point?

But I'll tell you what. I'll tell it in ten days. Is that enough to keep your attention?