It cannot be, until it is

I love it when people come to me for my expertise (I assure you that there are indeed subjects however few and far between which I am expert in) yet will not accept my report. You had a problem, you brought it to me, I resolved it, yet you will not accept my explanation? It is even especially exasperating when it's something which is indeed particularly straightforward. It gets my alliteration going.

A gentleman recently brought in a machine which was not running. To save me time (he thought) he had already checked that electricity was getting to the motor. Okay, fine, thanks. He left, and I diagnosed that the power cord was bad. I installed a new cord and hey presto, his machine was fully and completely operational. I called and told him it was ready. "What was wrong?" he asked.

"The power cord was bad."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Eventually he said, "That cannot be, man. There was power to the motor."

That set me off. Channeling the spirit of me easily agitated Grandpa Joe I wanted to yell, "Yes, that can be, man! It wasn't running, the cord was bad, I replaced it, the machine runs. It. Can. Be." Instead I calmly, rationally explained, "Electricity is a circuit. There's more at work than power getting to the motor. It has to go through the motor and return to its source or an electric motor won't work." I am no genius on this issue. This is Electric Power 101, folks.

"But power was getting to the motor," he replied incredulously.

Did you not hear the words that were coming from my mouth? Still, I replied simply, "The cord was bad, my friend. I replaced it, and your snake works."

He came by, watched it run, toyed with the unit for a few minutes and paid me, all the while looking at me as though I were an alchemist or a charlatan. Dude, I believe you that power was getting to the motor. But it's gotta get back out for the motor to work. It's that simple.

I may be, in fact I am, incompetent on many levels. Spectacularly incompetent on several, I admit. But don't question me on my rightness when I actually am right please.

The toenail trimming consumer

Customers, they are the most important part of any sales business. They can be (they ordinarily are) the best thing about sales, and at times the worst. At other times they can be downright odd and unusual, and even slightly disgusting. Disturbing, really.

I remember one guy who sat down while I was welding an end on his drain snake cable. He asked for a pair of wire cutters. So I gave him one, and commenced upon the repair.

He began unlacing his boots. I didn't think much about that; I really only barely noticed it and dismissed it immediately, almost without thought. He was probably just tightening or adjusting the boots, right?

Pulling enough steel cable out of his machine so as to be able to work with, I ground the end flat and secured it in my bench vice. After screwing in a fitting and tacking a weld to ensure it would stay, I shut off my torch and turned to tell him his repair was done. But my voice caught in my throat. He had his boots off and was trimming his toenails with my wire cutters. Talk about being a little too comfortable in your surroundings.

I said nothing. I turned back to my workbench and began tinkering with another repair. Eventually the man said, "Well, what do I owe you?"

'A new set of wire cutters', I should have said. Instead I just stammered something like, uh, ten bucks.

It was surely overreaction, for they were only wire cutters and had been used to cut far dirtier things than someone's toenails. In fact, that idea by itself added to my disgust at what he had done. But after the man left I picked the tool up with a pair of pliers and threw it away. I replaced them with a new pair that afternoon. I simply didn't want to use them after that incident, and boiling work tools (if you're not a surgeon) seems stupid.

To this day I cringe at the idea of someone arbitrarily trimming his toenails with my tools in my workshop. I mean, really? Why would it even occur to anyone to do that?