Family confusion

Did I ever tell you about how my first cousin married my uncle? Well, it's true. The entire family will attest to it.

While that sounds like a joke, it's serious business. My cousin in this case is from my mother's side of the family. My uncle is a younger brother of me Pops. No blood relation to each other, of course. Yet it has led to many family debates. Some of those are funny.

So as the wife of my uncle, my cousin is my aunt. Or is my uncle my cousin in law? Can I just call him by his first name now? Or do I need to call my cousin aunt?

Their kids are both my first cousins and my first cousins once removed. My kids are their kids second cousins. Or are they all second cousins once removed? And does the third cousins scenario figure into this at all? I think my kids could be third cousins or maybe second cousins twice removed to their kids.

As my aunt, my kids are first cousins once removed. Well, if she's their cousin that is. They might be her nieces and nephews you know. My granddaughter to my aunt is either a grand-niece or a first cousin twice removed.

My mother is my uncle's sister in law. Or her nephew by marriage. Or is my cousin my mother's sister in law?

My dad's brother is his nephew by marriage. Or maybe he's simply his brother. By aren't my dad and mother uncle and aunt to them both, as she (my cousin) is a child of my mother's brother? Or do we simply say, like Grandpa Joe, aw hell, we're just family?

I would have loved to have heard my uncle call his brother Uncle Bill though. That would have been a hoot.