Hitching a Ride

I'm not sure I ever told this on Mom. But if I did, humor me.

She hated being behind trucks, and so did I. She especially hated car haulers, I think because it can appear as the cars upon them looked like they could break off and come towards you. It can seem daunting in the regard, truth be told.

We were behind a single level car hauler one day which had an open space at the very back. "You gonna pass that thing?" Mom asked.

"Well," I replied, "I'm thinking I might race up towards it, then pull up hard on the steering wheel while you and me both lean back into our seats, and lift the front of the van up so we can jump onto the truck and get a free ride." Then I kind of chuckled.

Mom didn't respond. In fact, she appeared to be seriously thinking it over, considering the idea in her mind. Surely, I thought, she doesn't believe we could actually do it. 

Finally she said, "You know, as much as I would like to see that, I think we should just pass the truck today."

So we did. But I still can't make up my mind: was she serious, or did she play me really well?

A polite no thank you would have sufficed

Years ago I knew a man whom I'll call Cloyce just to give him a name. He seemed like a good guy, though he spoke in broken English with an accent I never could place. We would see each other occasionally at neighborhood meetings and such.

One day while making small talk before an event he told me that he walked everywhere he went. I didn't think much of it at the time: he could do what he wanted on that count, right? But one night after a meeting it was raining rather hard. Very hard, in fact. Remembering his habit, I offered Cloyce a ride home. In my car, of course.

A look of complete horror flew into his eyes. "No, no, no," he protested vehemently. "Cars bad, cars crash, people die. No, no no." But then he realized the situation and said, trying apparently to mollify me (I was not insulted but I understand his concern) he said, "You're nice man. Nice to offer ride. But no. Cars bad, bad, bad." He raised an umbrella and walked on out into the storm.

All I can think is, he must have had one bad experience with cars. Either that, or he'd heard about my driving.

Hah. I beat every one of you to that punchline, didn't I?