Let's Do

I visited my doctor yesterday for a routine checkup. All right, visited may not be quite the right word. It's isn't like we threw steaks on the grill and hoisted a few, you know.

"You haven't had a tetanus shot in awhile. Let's get a tetanus shot," the Doc told me.

He talks like that when he thinks I need something, but he never joins me. 'Let's see a cardiologist' or 'Let's go get four quarts of blood drawn' or 'Let's get bonked on the head with a mallet' he'll say. Yet it's always only me.

I didn't mind so much until the mallet thing. 

What Not To Do

I mentioned yesterday that my doctor is concerned about my red blood cell count being slightly elevated. Not dangerously so, but higher than he'd like. Needless to say the first thing I did when I got back home was to look up what that condition might cause.

That, of course, is precisely what you should not do.

As it is, a high red count can lead to clotting, which might lead to strokes or heart attacks. It may signal a rare leukemia or other vicious underlying condition, all of which now have me worried because, of course, the worst is always going to happen. This is on top of me Pops having recurring blood issues (though not that) and now genetics are working against me too.

To be sure, it may simply be that my bone marrow has decided to kick a few more red cells into my system just because it wants to, something which can be covered through medication. But, again, the worst!

All of this comes from an elevated but not in itself dangerous condition. The Doc's precise instructions were to take a baby aspirin a day and stay hydrated, but to otherwise go about my routine. I was cautioned that if I developed a persistent headache, dizziness, or blurred vision I should go see him, or find an urgent care if necessary. In short, it's a borderline state which, though meriting a watch, is far from gloom, despair, and agony. Nothing particularly scary about that, is there?

So I'll do what he says and we'll do more blood work at my October checkup. If it's all right, problem solved. If not, I get referred to a hematologist, which itself is not reason for concern because he may well find nothing to worry about. 

But it feeds the paranoia, doesn't it?

Eat to Taste

"Lose weight!" I do believe that doctors must take a course on harangue for that simple exhortation. For who, it seems, does not get ordered by their family physician to take off a few pounds? A handful of us, yes, may be encouraged to gain mass. But they appear to be the outliers. We should envy them.

Still, most of us could stand to drop a few pounds. One way, perhaps, would be to not eat as though the meal in front of you is the first thing you've had in a week. Take your time and enjoy the taste of the food.

I'm trying to employ that manner of eating, though with little real success just yet. But I have my moments.

Just yesterday morning, in fact, a bowl of cereal in front of me, I forced myself to eat more gently. Rather than jam a heaping tablespoon of it into my mouth (I probably should have used a teaspoon, I know) I let the bulk of the cereal slide back into the milk. Further, I actually chewed that lessened helping instead of immediately forcing another huge spoonful into my gaping maw. This chewing the food led me to an interesting discovery.

A surprisingly pleasant, sweet taste appeared on my tongue. In eating slowly and deliberately, mind you, it hit me. I was tasting the raisins in the raisin bran. I was eating slow enough to taste the food. And it tasted good. No; it tasted great. I suppose because I was in fact tasting rather than inhaling my breakfast.

I'll have to try that with other meals. And maybe it could help me lose weight, although I'm sure my doctor will simply dredge up another personal habit of mine to criticize. 

Caramel corn lunch

I am eating caramel corn for lunch. And it's okay, because my doctor told me I could. Really.

At my last checkup, he said so. I didn't even bring it up: he did. "You know Marty, you can have caramel corn for lunch," he told me.

"No way!" I responded incredulously.

"Yes way!" he assured me emphatically. "All you want in fact."

Now, I know there are those among you who are skeptical. So you know what? Call him. Go ahead, ask him if he told me I could eat caramel corn for lunch.

But he's at a conference this week, so wait until later.

Fun with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo

After weeks of testing and visits to the doctor, I have been told that I have Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. That's a fancy way of saying that when I lay down on my left side, the room spins. Being a conservative, I kind of like all the obvious jokes that that invites.

Anyway, I did a string of exercises in his office yesterday, was given a new prescription, a list of exercises I can do at home, and the instruction to keep my head and shoulders aligned for the next few days. That means that I should not swivel or turn my head towards the object of my attention, but rather turn my whole upper body when called upon or as necessary.

This has already produced what I suppose should be expected reactions. Whether turning to speak with a customer, or trying to get a look at oncoming traffic when driving, even when just walking down the street, I have experienced a whole new range of looks. The incredulous looks are clearly questioning my behavior; I have gotten many what-is-your-major-malfunction return stares.

I want to yell, "I'm not a creep!" or, "I'm not trying to be creepy!" I'm just following doctor's orders as best I can. I don't intend for it to creep you out. It does lead one to wonder if all this will in fact work, or is just a way for doctors to have fun at their patients' expense.

I honestly don't believe that last part to be the case of course. But I really, really hope this is over in the next two to three days, as my doctor tells me is the norm. I'm really sure that anyone who sees me will hope so too.

My doctor is trying to help me. I think.

My doctor laid down the law yesterday. Although my overall health is very good, my blood pressure is too high. Not wanting to give me a prescription without an attempt at 'lifestyle changes' he laid out the gauntlet.

Lose 15 pounds. I guess I saw that coming.

Do not salt any food. That's not too bad as I don't salt much anyway.

Avoid processed food. Okay, that's a toughie. I like quick and easy lunches made from lunchmeats thrown on bread, and often I use no condiments. Not good enough, he says. Har-rumph.

Avoid potato chips. And I really love potato chips; he's really starting to meddle. But I can have one one ounce serving a week.

Avoid red meats (there's a shock) and stop taking Benadryls for my allergies. So I'm trying Claritin on his suggestion. But it's never worked for me before.

No more than two cups of coffee a day, and preferably only one. Come on Doc, you're taking away all the stuff I like most. Heavy sigh. And I ought to have salad for one meal a day. Really? Rabbit food?

I'm told I'll get used to the new rules and begin to enjoy them, and I suppose that's well possible. I do now look forward to my morning walks. Yet they had been followed with coffee and salty breakfasts (hey, I said I rarely salted my food, not that I didn't enjoy salty foods). No more of that. For me, these are very serious alterations to be tossed under the benign banner of lifestyle changes.

Ah well, it's for my own good. I know that, and I want what's for my own good, honest. Yet I can't help wonder what a common blood pressure medicine would cost per month.