Foot in Mouth Disease

During my recent examinations concerning my left foot, I had the chance to use what I thought was a clever joke. A resident doctor, a foreign man (I only point that out for the sake of the quip) looking in on me asked, "How do you think you injured it originally?"

"Probably yanking it out of my mouth," I drolly replied.

He stared at me uncertainly. "I do not understand."

"Oh," I responded. "Well, when we say something stupid, we sometimes say that we put our foot in our mouth."

The doctor smiled. "I shall have to remember that."

"Yes," I chuckled. "But it might not sound good if you asked a patient, So, did you hurt your foot when put it in your mouth?"

Nodding his head with a grin the man said, "I will be careful."

Doctors are Sadists

My left foot has been troubling me for a couple of years now. Last Friday I was finally able to see a foot specialist. I'm trying to make up my mind if he's some kind of sick, twisted fiend.

The visit began with a simple visual examination of the foot. Then he began pressing it, once here, once there, at different points on and around the ankle. "Does this hurt? How about here? Here?" he would ask as he prodded. Each time it hurt, but not terribly.

"Does this hurt?" he eventually asked, bending my foot sharply towards my shin bone. 

That hurt. Man, did it hurt. But did that stop him? Nope. He pulled the foot back away from my leg, a hundred eighty degrees from the first way he bent it. "How about this?" he asked clinically.

Can't you tell? I'm tapping out like a professional wrestler. "Yes," I replied instead through clenched teeth.

"This?" he truncated his question as he wrenched the foot sideways. "Yes," I affirmed in a whimper.

I'm not sure he had to do all that. I think that because he seemed to be enjoying himself far too much. Did you have a fight before you left the house this morning, doc?

X-Ray Marty

Well, I'm heading out in a few minutes to have an X-ray. My left ankle has been painful off and on for awhile now, so me doctor wants to see what's wrong. It's weird; the ankle will be fine for days, maybe even a few weeks, and out of nowhere, and I mean literally out of nowhere, it'll hurt like hell and I can't put weight on it. 

No, I did not twist my ankle wrenching my foot out of my mouth. So. There.

Although I suppose, metaphorically, I have had my foot in my mouth a lot.