Shakespearean Dragnet

Dragnet was a popular police procedural (I love alliteration) show from 1951-1958 and again from 1967-1970. Few people do not know the four beat lead in: dum-da-dem-dum. Most are likely familiar with the rapid fire delivery of lines by the actors too. 

At first glance the acting is almost comical. Does anyone really talk that way? Of course not. But the more I watch reruns the more I like the approach. Abrupt, but to the point. Once you get into the flow of it you take to the style.

I've heard it said that Shakespeare is much the same: you have to get into the rhythm of the writing. Although I've read little of the Bard, when I do I find it relatively easy going as soon as I'm one with the cadence.

This morning I find myself believing that the styles might mesh well in a new detective show. "Gadzooks! Yon felon escapes custody! Apprehend the dastardly miscreant forthwith, Yeoman Friday!

It's just a thought.

Golf Rap

Whenever I see the commercial I wonder what the point is supposed to be. Are they trying to make golf sound cool? Perhaps they mean to make it appear tough and, I suppose, streetwise, maybe? That is a rather lamentable common theme with sports anymore: we're tough and we want to make sure you know how tough we are. But golf?

What I'm talking about is a commercial for the upcoming Tournament Players Championship on March 9-12. It shows several great golf shots but with RUN DMC's (I'm supposed to capitalize their name, aren't I?) Tricky as the background music. It's, uh, incongruent.

I don't care for rap as a genre but I like Tricky. It's catchy. It's - I mean this quite seriously - a toe tapper. The words aren't offensive. But applied to golf? Rich white guys wearing polo shirts and khakis? On the surface, it's not a fit. It isn't going to make me more likely to watch. But then, while not rich, I am an old white guy (golf's primary audience) who wears polos and khakis. I watch golf naturally. And baseball. Yes, I'm dull.

I really don't see how it might influence anyone else to watch the sport, quite honestly. I don't see who it's supposed to appeal to; it simply seems weird. But perhaps that's just me.

Time To Play

On the one hand, I don't care for the idea that baseball has added time clocks. On the other, you still have to give the other guy his chance. You can't play keep away and burn the clock. That's still an important difference between it and any timed sport.

The real bottom line is that had players played and not dallied no clocks would be necessary. Look up a game on You Tube from 1975. The pitchers threw promptly and the batters were ready to hit and not adjusting every article of clothing between pitches. Go look at game times from 80 or 100 years ago. Everyone kept a pace, and you could get a match done in a reasonable time.

So there have been a couple embarrassing moments during spring training so far. Pay attention, Manny Machado. The players only have themselves to blame for this.

Old TV Puppets

We were sitting around, me and three of my brothers, when the subject of old TV shows came up. Me brother Phil for whatever reason asks, "Remember Kukla, Fran, and Ollie?" For those who can't remember, see here.

Anyway, I responded, "Kukla, Fran, and Ollie? I haven't heard those names in years."

Phil cleared his throat and said, "You just heard them a minute ago, Marty."

He won't understand why his paycheck will be short next week.

I Love Ya, Tomorrow

I love ya, I love ya, tomorrow, tomorrow. You're only a day away.

Today that has extra meaning for me. Detroit Tigers baseball begins tomorrow with the Grapefruit League opening game against the Phillies. Hope springs eternal. One of these years I'm going to take a week and check out some spring games.

Intellectually, I don't expect much from the club this coming season. The Tigers seemed to have taken a step backwards in 2022, and the April schedule is brutal. We may be out of the pennant race by May 1st. But the future is unwritten despite what our prognosticators, and yours truly, might think. You still gotta play the games. 

So for right this minute, that leaves tomorrow. And I love ya, tomorrow. At least, I love ya from this vantage point. Tomorrow's tomorrow may be a whole new, uh, ball game.

Grammar

The thing about grammar is that it makes you put your thoughts down in a coherent, rational manner. It makes your knee jerk ideas concrete. If that doesn't scare you, well, then grammar is not your forte.

Grammar is scary. It really is. Because grammar is not, it most definitely is not, the mere rules of language. Grammar is, it really and most certainly is, the relationship between objects in reality. I say that sky is blue precisely because the sky is blue.  If it isn't, then you don't get it. And you don't get grammar.

Tell me truth, and you tell me grammar. Otherwise you tell what is not true. And we all know what that is.

Pointed TP

I don't stay in hotels often. But I am living out of one for most of this week as I attend a trade show. And I am struck by some of the amenities.

They're all good, mind you. I'm making no complaints. Nice big rooms, plenty of hot water, microwave oven, refrigerator, color TV; and what coffee lover doesn't love the single cup Keurigs at their service? I even brought several extra coffee pods because the two they leave you are nowhere near enough for a true coffee hound. But I quibble.

Still, I find myself obsessing over things such as, why do they bother to the fold the ends of the toilet paper into triangles? Why is the first facial tissue out of the box fluffed out into a design of some sort (I can't actually tell what it's supposed to be, but I assume a flower of some kind). Why do I get a washcloth folded origami style into a little fan? Are people actually impressed by these efforts?

None of it would encourage me to stay in any particular place. Don't misunderstand; I love the hotel I'm in. I wouldn't think twice about staying here again. I'll almost certainly house myself in this very same establishment for the 2024 version of this show.

Only not for the origami washcloths. I simply can't imagine stuff such as that mattering to a traveler. "Oh, we can't stay there. They don't have the toilet paper ends folded into triangles.' I mean, who even considers these things?

The first person who says, clearly you Marty, gets a smack on the head with a wet spaghetti noodle. I'm not thinking about this, I'm reacting to it. So. There.