All in a Day's Work

Granted, I came in in the middle of the movie, so perhaps I missed important background information. Still, what happened in the old melodrama which I woke up to a few minutes ago perplexes me. 

I tend to leave the TV on when I go to bed at night. I probably shouldn't exactly for these moments, but that's another question. As it is, I woke up to see two men in a heated discussion, one a young man, another quite obviously elderly. The older guy was the accountant for the firm the younger man apparently owned.

The accountant was agitated, angry, and adamant about what needed to be done. The young man came towards him threateningly. "What are you going to do?" Elderly Accountant demanded.

"I'm going to kill you!" Young Business Owner asserted. He grabbed the accountant's neck and began to choke him.

There was a knock on the door. Releasing his grip, the young man simply went and opened it. In walked a man who immediately showed a badge and identified himself as a police lieutenant. "I'd like to ask you fellows a few questions," he began. Pretty soon the business owner was clearly hedging in his answers to the cop's inquiries, while the old accountant in response to a demand began digging files out of a cabinet as though nothing had happened a few minutes earlier. And all I could think was, "Why don't you tell the nice police officer who arrived so fortunately as to prevent the attack that the other guy just tried to kill you?"

It never came up. Everyone just went on as though nothing dangerous had ever happened. The closest they came was when the old guy told the cop, while staring daggers at young guy, that he was now the former accountant of the company.

I suppose I would tender my resignation too if my boss tried to strangle me. I fact, I think I'd take it a few steps further, what with a police lieutenant present and all. But as I say, maybe I missed something.

Enunciate

There's a commercial which has been running a lot lately late at night. What's it for? I don't know. I can't remember because of the voice over artist.

At one point he says that whatever it is he's talking about is 'globally relevant'. But he runs the words together so that it actually sounds as though he's saying, 'global irrelevant'.

There's quite a difference between something which is important all over the world and something not having worldwide meaning. Enunciate, darn it, so that we know which you mean. Maybe then we'll remember what you're selling. It's probably garbage anyway seeing as it's a late night infomercial. But still, speak precisely will you?

Instantly Soon

We should always be careful with what we read on the Internet or see on late night TV. I'm not saying that everything you read and see is wrong. Just be wary.

A commercial I happened to catch the other morning offered free or low cost medical insurance 'to those who qualify'. Well, of course it would be available to those who qualify, wouldn't it?

Yet there's more than that. In the next instance the voiceover urged the viewer to hurry and make a phone call 'Where in a few minutes you can see if you instantly qualify'.

I don't know about you, but while a few minutes might be very fast it doesn't strike me as instantly. That's why I'd be careful about making that call.

Just Give Up

I was up late last night - after Nine P.M. in fact - and was nearly up later. But my Detroit Tigers were on TV and were losing. As they had lost nine straight and were playing the Braves - a very good team - have you noticed I've become entranced with the dash - I rolled over and finally went to sleep.

And of course - to continue a theme here - the Detroits scored three in the ninth inning to tie, and won in ten. 

Doesn't it figure? You give up on them and something good happens. I need to give up more often.

Mannix Alarm

Early yesterday morning something happened to me which, honestly, never did before. I was woken up by Joe Mannix, the old TV private detective played by Mike Connors.

I needed to leave on a sales trip at 2:30 in the wee hours of Tuesday. Also - you'll need to know this - I leave the television on overnight. My channel of choice lately has been METV, which offers a variety of older shows, most of which date to the early 1970s. I've become pretty aware of what's on when.

So I crawl into bed early Monday evening with the boob tube on and set an alarm for 1:30. Soon enough I've drifted off. Within in what felt like a few minutes I found myself in that half awake twilight I believe most of us experience from time to time. But I could hear the TV, and vaguely thought, 'That sounds like Mike Connors; Mannix must be on.' I fell back into a deeper sleep.

Then I woke with a shock. Mannix doesn't start until 2. I'd missed my alarm! Looking at my phone screen, it was 2:38. When I set the 1:30 alarm I neglected to save it. Consequently, of course, it didn't ring.

Fortunately I had no set appointments, so precise timing on my trip wasn't paramount. Still, uh, it pays to know your TV schedule?

At Risk

A few hours ago, in the wee hours of the day, I pulled up an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. It turned out to be a classic, the one with Torgo the White appearing to take TV's Frank to second banana Heaven. Torgo promised Frank they would meet Joe Besser there. You know, Joe Besser, who was briefly a Stooge after Shemp died? No, not Curly Joe DeRita. He came after that.

Anyway, and naturally enough, commercials interrupted my viewing. One which did catch my eye concerned a medical condition which, if it developed in you, would increase your risk of death fourfold. And I thought, don't we all have the same risk of death though?

Just sayin'.

A Matter of Trust

The things you think when you're awake far too early in the morning...

Ice-T came up in a commercial for Car Shield, an extended warranty car insurance provider. After going through the motions of explaining why the company's insurance plans were so good, he ended the ad with, "I trust Car Shield with my car. You should too."

Okay, if it actually helps, I trust Car Shield with your car too, Ice-T.

Best of all possible worlds?

I have made no secret of the fact that I have become something of a night owl. It's really neat to be wide awake and active (well semi-active; how much can actually you do in the middle of the night?) (quiet Ron) when all the world is still and serene. Yet I have to admit that I'm finding even that world beginning to distract me.

Reading has become my pastime, as I've let known on these pages. I can't read enough and am always looking for new books. So there's point one. But a point two has arisen lately: with the Kindle my kids bought me  a couple of Christmases ago (Sure Marty, throw them under the bus) I find things to read on there. It's more than entire books which cost me nothing. It's also short articles, some worthwhile and some tripe which I still waste time on. Time on those adds up, especially when you figure in the typical Facebook and Facebook like diversions.

Now Decades TV has throw itself into the mix as point three. The Bob Newhart Show (the one from the 70s where he is a Chicago psychologist, and boy could Chicago use some psychology now) airs at 12:30. Get Smart is on at 1:30. Car 54, Where Are You? follows quickly at 2:30. Three all time faves of mine. 

My nights, well, my wee hours of the morning, are packed. Roll over, turn off the alarm, watch Bob Newhart. Read a half hour, tune into Maxwell Smart. Troll Facebook and adroitly comment on the past day's events if I'm not too interested in The Phil Silvers Show (Sgt. Bilko you are a conniver) until Toody and Muldoon's antics at 2:30. Then read again, if, and only if, I am not intrigued by The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (Maynard G. Krebs sure is lazy, eh?). Then read until I take my early morning nap (catching glimpses of The Abbott and Costello Show), waking anytime after 6 for my morning walk.

My worlds are colliding. How can I distract myself from my own distractions?