It won't be on my account

I'm not letting myself be played this time around. Oh, no, no, no.

Thanks to reading an article online brought to me by the Internet and our trusted mainstream media, I won't be caught unawares by shortages. It seems that among anticipated potential shortages in the coming months, toilet paper and coffee are high on the list. Well, I for one won't be driven to madness over it.

In recent days I've bought what's supposedly the equivalent of 114 rolls of toilet paper (why isn't it bathroom tissue anymore, which sounds so much better?) and will likely buy more in the coming days. And coffee, oh, you other hoarders won't be getting a leg up on me. Thanks to Ollie's Bargain Outlet and Cedarville Foods I have six large cans of Chase and Sanborn, my coffee of choice. I figure I'm set for about a year and a half on java.

There are other things which maybe, might be subject to unavailability. Carbonated drinks are among them. But the bottom line is this. I won't be caught wanting when the shortages which may be, could be coming, according to our wise and knowledgeable experts and their media friends. I'm all set on coffee and, uh, bathroom tissue. And I am also satisfied knowing that I won't be part of the coming problem either. I figure I can gouge you-all for about twenty bucks a pound on the coffee alone.

Small time hoarding

Keys, wallet, cell phone. That's my basic checklist every time I leave my house. But it does make me wonder why I have so many keys.
Some of them I have to have of course. The keys to my house, my car, and the old barn for example. I can't work, get back into the house, or drive without them. Yet even there I find duplicity. Two house keys are on my key ring: the one I use and the original key, the first one we got when we bought our house in 1981. The original one has worn down so bad I was afraid I'd break it off in the lock, so I had a second made. Yet I keep the first one with me. It's too sentimental, perhaps, that I do. But I do.
I always have my keys to our place in da UP, in Hessel, on me. It makes me feel as though I could at any time, on a whim essentially, just say forget everything and go up north. Sure, I haven't ever came close to actually doing that. But hey, maybe one day as I leave Indianapolis after a sales trip I might just think that I'll drive up Interstate 69 and into US 127 by Lansing and onto Interstate 75 just before Grayling and go straight to Hessel. That can't happen if I don't have my Hessel keys.
I still have my last classroom key, which I think I was supposed to have turned in. But I haven't taught since January 2010, and the Warren Consolidated Schools know where to find me if they need it. I'd be shocked if the locks haven't been changed anyway. Especially to keep me out.
I even still have the key to the gym of old St. Alphonsus in Dearborn, from when I was a coach there. I know they've changed that lock. I don't care if they have. I haven't had to use it since 2003.
There are keys from old locks which are so gone to history that I'll never be able to figure out where they went. I mean keys to locks we had at the Shop in the 1970s. Old suitcase keys, an old locker key from when the Detroit Curling Club was on Drake road in West Bloomfield, and one which I haven't a clue of its origin. And I keep them all.
I just think of it as small time hoarding.