It won't be on my account

I'm not letting myself be played this time around. Oh, no, no, no.

Thanks to reading an article online brought to me by the Internet and our trusted mainstream media, I won't be caught unawares by shortages. It seems that among anticipated potential shortages in the coming months, toilet paper and coffee are high on the list. Well, I for one won't be driven to madness over it.

In recent days I've bought what's supposedly the equivalent of 114 rolls of toilet paper (why isn't it bathroom tissue anymore, which sounds so much better?) and will likely buy more in the coming days. And coffee, oh, you other hoarders won't be getting a leg up on me. Thanks to Ollie's Bargain Outlet and Cedarville Foods I have six large cans of Chase and Sanborn, my coffee of choice. I figure I'm set for about a year and a half on java.

There are other things which maybe, might be subject to unavailability. Carbonated drinks are among them. But the bottom line is this. I won't be caught wanting when the shortages which may be, could be coming, according to our wise and knowledgeable experts and their media friends. I'm all set on coffee and, uh, bathroom tissue. And I am also satisfied knowing that I won't be part of the coming problem either. I figure I can gouge you-all for about twenty bucks a pound on the coffee alone.