Clear Your Cache

I think I spelled cache right. A cache is a collection of items of the same type stored in a hidden or inaccessible place. So am I told, anyway, by some random online dictionary. Voice mailboxes on your cell phone count as that, don't they?

Well, whatever. I can't tell you how often - it happens much more than you would think - I call or return a call to a customer and cannot leave a message because their voice mailbox is full. You would think that someone ostensibly running a business might want to be able to receive messages, might think about clearing his cache to do so, but what do I know? 

Similarly, I will call plumbers and drain cleaners - supposedly well established plumbers and such - only to be told by a robotic voice, that 'the person you are trying reach has a voice mailbox which has not been set up'. Hadn't you better do that? I mean, if you in fact want customers to be able to communicate with you?

But again, what do I know? I run a business trying to make money. I like to get my messages and be able to return calls. Perhaps I missed that voicemail. But if so, not because it wasn't set up, or there wasn't room for it. 

I Will, Will I?

I get voice messages. The bulk of them are clipped and straight to the point, which is what I want. Tell me your issue in the voicemail; it helps me know what to tell you when I call back. If I am aware of your question I can determine the answer before talking to you. Or develop a really creative lie.

Last week a fellow left a voicemail which I laughed at upon hearing it. I don't think he meant anything, but it was funny.

After giving a brief description of what he was looking for, he proceeded to finish with, "You will call me back at 555.5555." 

Oh, I will, will I? 

Of course I did. He didn't say it like an order either, it was simply in the flow of the message, merely his off the cuff choice of words. Still, it's funny.

The Voices in my Phone

"You have one unheard message."

I want to reach into my cell and smack the voice which says that every time it says that. I know I have one unheard message, or perhaps two. That's why I'm calling my voicemail.

You're wasting my time to tell me what I already know quite well. It's all the worse when the voices tell me I have more than one message: "First unheard message..." Fine. Yes. Thank you. I have messages. Multiple messages. Messages which I am certain, maybe in my own arrogance, greatly desire my particular attention. I'm trying to get to them, if only you'd just shut up and give them to me.

I surely am making too much of this, but it is rather condescending for a mechanical voice to tell me what is obvious beyond any doubt. Perhaps it's merely a reflection of my own impatience, impatience I find growing as I get older. I simply want to get to the point. In the case of checking my voicemail, it's to get my doggone messages. Just give them to me, will ya, Siri or Alexa or whoever you are, disembodied voice. That's all I want.

Sheesh.