The Paranoia Grows

I think advertising exists solely to develop paranoia in the body politic. It does this by causing worry over our actual, physical bodies.

Deodorant has been a medicine cabinet staple for as long as I can remember. I get that: certain odors are unpleasant for everyone. I brush my teeth twice daily and even use a mouthwash which 'kills germs missed by brushing alone AND strengthens enamel' (two jobs in one? Who can resist?). I use foot powder. Give me my regular old Old Spice, something I've emphasized to an admittedly bizarre extreme in these very environs, and I'm fine. 

At least, I thought I was fine. Now there are, all over the place, ads for whole body deodorants. Do I really need that? Is the odor from back of my knees annoying folks? I'm sure that's not an issue. I have many more, and much more effective, ways of being a pest. 

Well, I know what they're talking about, and all I can say is, I'm clean. When I'm not clean I get clean. The advertising oligarchs aren't going to make me any more paranoid. I assure you, I've quite cornered that market all on my own. The paranoids have been after me for ages.

Tastes Great

Many of us, I believe anyway, have our moments when anger, disbelief, anxiety or other movement of the emotions hit us in such a way that we can't quite think straight. As a result, we may use language poorly, employing improper terms or the like.

Me son Charlie and I were in the Cedarville Dollar General Thursday evening when I was looking over the display of Old Spice deodorants. As I've decried before in these very spaces, I like regular, plain old Old Spice, not wolfbane and savage beast or whatever other varieties Old Spice offers these days. And as is typical there were none of the traditional aroma which I wanted. "I want plain Old Spice, not any of these weird flavors!" I said out loud in the store.

Turning to my son, who clearly heard my lament, he explained with a grin, "You just said flavors of Old Spice, Dad."

"Well, the original style tastes best." I harumphed indignantly. At that point, why not go ahead and run with it?

Playing Favorites

So long as I'm replaying favorites, here's another, from about a year ago.

Yesterday was a good day. I managed to find what I was looking for at Meijer, namely Old Spice deodorant. Regular old Old Spice, not all the hipster variations which seem to dominate the brand lately. What in the name of all that is good and holy is wolfbane anyway? 

With such a difficult time finding it, having actually found what I wanted I bought four. That should hold me for a minute. Quiet Ron.

Being Sunday of course me Mom was with me. As we rode along she remarked, "I am enjoying this! I like the ride and the company!" Then turning towards me she asked, jokingly, "Who are you?"

"I'm your favorite son," I answered. It's become a running joke between us really.

But she got me pretty good yesterday. "Well, if that's what it takes to get you through the day we'll say it."

Give her a rim shot. She earned it. 

Favorite Sons

Yesterday was a good day. I managed to find what I was looking for at Meijer, namely Old Spice deodorant. Regular old Old Spice, not all the hipster variations which seem to dominate the brand lately. What in the name of all that is good and holy is wolfbane anyway? 

With such a difficult time finding it, having actually found what I wanted I bought four. That should hold me for a minute. Quiet Ron.

Being Sunday of course me Mom was with me. As we rode along she remarked, "I am enjoying this! I like the ride and the company!" Then turning towards me she asked, jokingly, "Who are you?"

"I'm your favorite son," I answered. It's become a running joke between us really.

But she got me pretty good yesterday. "Well, if that's what it takes to get you through the day we'll say it."

Give her a rim shot. She earned it.

Regular old Old Spice

They say choice is a good thing. Perhaps. But it strikes me that choice isn't necessary if you know what you want.

I like Old Spice deodorant. Just regular old, plain old, Old Spice. Simple as that. So while in a store yesterday I decided to buy a stick of Old Spice. Regular old Old Spice.

They had High Endurance. They had extra sweat protection. There was pure sport. They had dragonblast and wolfthorn. What in the blazes is a wolfthorn? Why would I care about blasting dragons? I want regular Old Spice. That's all.

They had something labelled Swagger. I'm 61. I haven't had swagger since I was 47 and I'm not sure I actually had it then. I just want Old Spice. Regular Old Spice, the one that's been around for decades. 

It was not to be found. I'm sure I can order it online, but it seems that I should be able to get it easily at places such as the Dollar General I was in. And damn all the choices anyway. They don't mean nothing when they ain't what ya want.