Wire Nutty

I don't mind fellas trying to repair their own stuff. Hell, I often try to repair my own stuff myself. But do you have to make it so hard for me to repair the stuff you've tried to repair?

Some guys must think that they're banking millions by the amount of wire they save. I'll need to get into the reverse switch box of some drain snake and there won't be more than an inch of electric wire to work with. You can't move anything around because there's not enough wire to allow free movement. I end up cutting wires and starting over, peeling back the outer sheath of power cord to give myself four or five inches of wire to work with.

But because during 'repair' they used so little cord, I have to remove any and all switches in order to reattach the wire. Then I can actually begin to diagnose whatever the original problem might have been.

First, do no harm. It works for doctors. It ought to work for do it yourselfers too.

Don't go Mungo on anyone

No, Mungo! Never kill a customer! -from Monty Python's Dirty Fork sketch

Those are certainly words to live by. I have never come close to killing a customer. At least, so far as the police know. But I have snapped at a couple of them.

Several years ago during a period when we were extremely busy and running about one week to ten days behind in repairs a guy walked into the old barn. He had a machine which wasn't running and wanted me to take a look at it. I said I would, but that if it required anything serious he'd have to leave it and I'd get to it as soon as I could.

I followed him out to his van and he produced a little General Sewerooter Junior which had wires hanging out of the motor in a terrible jumble. A real bird's nest, my Pops used to say. It would have taken an hour simply to sort everything out, to get all the wiring back in place so that I might then start diagnosing the real problem. I shook my head and said to the man, "You're going to have to leave that with me."

He began, "Well all you have to do is,"

But I cut him off right there. "Then you do it," I replied, admittedly rather harshly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Then you do it," I repeated. "If it's all that simple, why are you bringing it to me? Why don't you have it done already?"

To this day I stand by that. Why are you bringing it to me if it's so danged easy? Why are you wasting both of our times?

I didn't kill him, but I haven't seen him since either.