Child Abuse (serious)

I had a customer come into my Shop one day for a chuck on the front of his machine. He had a thirteen or fourteen year old kid with him as a helper.

As I gathered my tools and the new chuck I noticed that the cord which should have had a push button on/off switch on the end had nothing but two exposed wires. I said, "I have on/off switches on hand. I could pop one on for you." This was more than a mere upsell, Marty sticking his hand in a guy's pocket. To start the machine you had to have that push button switch.

"Naw, I don't need it Cosgriff. That's what the kid is for," explained the customer, pointing at the young teen.

Incredulous, I asked, "What do you mean?"

The guy explained, "I have the kid hold the wires and I tell him to touch them together when I want it on. Then I tell him to pull them apart when I want it off."

"You're gonna kill this kid," I quite emphatically replied. "Oh, he'll be all right," I was told.

I went into my office, brought out a switch, and began installing it on the cord of his machine. "I ain't payin' for that, Cosgriff," the idiot tightwad said.

"I ain't asking you to," I barked back at him. And I barked it too. "But I can't let this thing go outta here knowing how you're using it. You're gonna hurt that boy."

I haven't seen him since, and good riddance to bad rubbish. I mean, really: having anyone let alone a kid touch bare wires together to run a machine? Some things you just have to do simply because they're the right thing to do.

Drain Snake Methodology

The other day I found myself talking to myself while I installed a new reverse switch on an Electric Eel Model C (Electric Eel: for all your drain cleaning needs). Only thing was, the customer was standing right by me as I worked. Only other thing was, I didn't care.

At one time I would have been embarrassed by that. Yet this time around I even remarked to the guy, "A fella's getting pretty comfortable with who he is and what he's doing when he can carry on a conversation with himself and another man standing there."

He just smiled and replied, "I ain't sayin' nuthin, Cosgriff. I don't want to interfere with your method."

Thank you sir. That's what we'll call it: my method. It sounds a far sight better than going crazy.

Electrical and Mechanical

I am no electrical expert. I admit that. But I do know some things about electric motors and how they work.

I am not a mechanical engineer either. Yet I know that what is entirely mechanical, while it may be driven by electricity, is at heart mechanical, components put in motion. 

It is not unusual for a drain snake with an electric motor to have what is called a slip clutch. It has little to nothing to do with the motor. 

A customer brought me an electric snake which hummed or buzzed when you turned it on. Nothing more. It clearly had an electrical issue. The young man insisted that if I replaced the clutch the problem would be solved. "I'm sorry, but it won't," I informed him. I demonstrated that the clutch, which can turned by hand, was working properly. "You have a motor problem."

"But I had three or four guys tell me that if I replaced the clutch everything would be all right."

Well, then. Why didn't they fix it? Why are you coming to me? I wanted to go full on Joe Cosgriff and explode at the customer, but I didn't. I took a deep breath, a very deep breath, and I let it out slowly. Very slowly. Then I said, in an almost perfect Mr. Spock voice (if you can accomplish such through gritted teeth), "I am going to suggest that they are mistaken."

He's taking the machine to an electric motor shop for their opinion. Good for him, bad for them.

Life Lessons

I got a head start at work this morning, leaving the house just before 6:30. My first stop was to buy some nuts, bolts, and washers from a nearby nut and bolt place, American Integrated Supply LLC. They used to be called Perry Bolt. I liked them better then. Perry Bolt is easier to say.

Anyway, I told the counter guy what I wanted and he turned to get the parts. I ended my request with, "Please. Because you should always say please." Counter Man gave the right light snicker which any old man should merit.

As he returned I told him, "You know, teaching my kids to say please was the hardest thing to teach them. The second was that please didn't mean they'd get it."

"Pleeeeease?" they would beg.

"No."

"But I said please!" they would protest.

Show of hands: how many parents heard that in their lives?

FYI American Integrated Supply are good people. 

An Accord About Cords

I understand that sometimes, when working with corded power tools, you need more power cord. I also understand that there are these things called extension cords. They come in several lengths, from 15 feet to 100. You can carry them with you to use as needed. What a concept.

Still, I have drain cleaning customers who want to keep 100 and 150 feet of power cord always attached to their drain snake. I do not understand that. At all. The extra line permanently attached actually throws the unit off balance, so that it leans backward from the added weight, sometimes threating to fall over. Yet you're rarely more than 25 feet from a 110 outlet in any home, office, or business. You don't need all that permanent length. "I just want to make sure I enough cord, Cosgriff." Oh, all right, whatevs.

Even more beyond my comprehension are the guys who want the power cords on their machines wrapped as tightly as humanly possible around the pegs on the units which serve to contain the wiring. You can almost see a guy holding his foot against a machine to keep it steady while he pulls the power cord so taut that a bullet couldn't penetrate the wall it effectively makes. They do this without considering that they may actually damage the cord. Why must it be see so tight anyway? There are no style points for how a cord is wrapped around a drain machine.

But, again, whatevs. I make more more replacing power cords that way.

Ain't Over Until It's Over

A customer called me yesterday and said all he needed was a simple repair, no reason I couldn't do it right away. "It'll be an in and out job, Cosgriff," he assured me.

I laughed out loud when he said it. It was a scoffing laughter too, I'll admit, although in retrospect I do feel bad about that. But something I've learned over all the years I've messed around with drain snake repairs: ain't no job easy until it's done. Then it was easy. Jobs are only easy in the past tense.

Perhaps you've seen the meme (you know, the meme, as though it's the only one on the Internet) which says, 'You're only one broken bolt away from a 20 minute repair becoming a three day ordeal'. How. True.

Machines have routinely come to me with issues which would ordinarily take ten minutes and cost $25, part and labor. Yet similar repairs become $125 (or even more) and not ready for a week because old parts won't cooperate as they should. I may end up replacing two or maybe three other items which normally wouldn't even be a worry. But that given day with that given machine, and you're in a fresh new hell.

I advised the caller to bring his machine in tomorrow (which would be today of course). I had too much to do today (which would be yesterday as of now) which had to get done before I could look at his unit. Maybe it will be easy peasy lemon squeezy. I hope so. But I won't know until it's done and I'm paid. It's as simple as that.

Mr. Mechanically Inclined

They think they're helping but they're hurting. If you can't fix something you should at least leave well enough alone.

A recent customer (I'll call him Cloyce just to give him a name) brought me a drain snake for repair. In so doing he handed me the long screws which held the motor together. "I'm kind of mechanically inclined, Cosgriff, so I thought I'd try to fix it myself," he explained.

Why Mr. Mechanically Inclined didn't have it fixed was beyond me, if he is so well versed in objects mechanical. And why Mr. Mechanically Inclined didn't mark the motor before he took out the long, thin screws which hold it together is beyond me too. See, these particular screws aren't applied with nuts but rather thread into holes tapped out behind the facing of the motor. They run the inside length of the motor and you apply them blind, so to speak, by feel. When I take one such motor apart I put marks at each end of the unit as guides for putting the thing back together when I complete a repair.

Mr. Mechanically Inclined didn't see fit to do that. It took me forever to realign that motor, but, by gum, I got it. And Cloyce will pay for it. Especially since the fix was indeed easy, other than not being able to readily align the motor. 

Do you what Mr. Mechanically Inclined missed?

Do you know what he missed?

A broken wire going into the on/off switch up on the handle of the unit. Mr. Mechanically Inclined missed a bloodly stupid wire broken in plain sight. It had broken right off the switch and was hanging out into mid-air.

Mr. Mechanically Inclined is paying through the nose for a repair which should have taken me 15 minutes yet pressed two hours, I'll tell you what.

The experiment

In an hour or two, I shall call a fellow and tell him his machine left for repair is ready. I am very happy that it is ready: on repairs, I don't get paid until jobs are done. So be it.

The fellow will profess over the phone to be quite happy too. He has admittedly waited awhile, as we at the Shop have been dealing with the vexing and somewhat paradoxical problem of being quite busy while having trouble getting parts. COVID for us hasn't slowed business (indeed for us at the old barn 2020 has been outstanding) but it has made it tough at times. The rub is that this particular fellow has been rather outspoken about why can't he get his machine, he really needs it, he's losing money, blah blah blah and ditto ditto ditto. 

Fair enough, so far as it goes. But allow me to tell you why I haven't been overly worried or allowed myself to become rushed about getting his repair ready: he won't come pick it up until after the first of the year, about nine weeks from now as I write. He's the type of fellow who rushes you yet takes his time picking up finished projects.

Me Pops used to say that everyone's in a hurry until it's time to lay the money down. That's not true of all people of course but it is true of the squeeky wheel to whom Pops ultimately refers. We've had plenty of them over the years.

I'll let you know how this turns out, and I promise you I'll play fair. But I am quite certain that you will be reading many unconnected blogs before I tell you January 7, 2021, that our fine fellow has finally gotten his machine out of Shop hock.

What I wanted to say

Sometimes I really want to be a smart aleck. That's okay too, among family and friends in playful situations. But generally when working, you have to choke down that urge.
I called a customer yesterday morning to tell him that his machine had me stumped (yes, some things are beyond even old Marty). I told him I tried everything I knew to try but to no avail. I suggested he pick it up and take it to an electrician, as the motor simply would not run for me. I even suggested a place for him to take it to, someone I've known for years who is honest and does good work in a timely manner.
The customer was at the Shop within the hour. As he wheeled his unit towards the door he asked, "So what do you think I should I do?".
This is where not being a smart aleck is important. I said, as though I had said nothing exactly like it sixty minutes ago, to take it to the electric motor shop.
Yet that is not what I wanted to say.
I wanted to say, perhaps, I have no idea what to do, simply to see if he'd remind me I had recommended someone. Because he would then remember, you know, even though he just seemed himself ignorant of what I had said on the phone.
Or, it occurred to me, I might have led him through an entirely new process. I might have explained the situation in snide detail.
I might have started with: Okay, here's the deal. Try to keep up.
I sell and repair drain snakes. It's what I do to make a living.
Are you with me so far? Good.
I wanted to call and tell you that I could fix your machine for this very reasonable price in this perfect time frame, because I sell and repair snakes. I wanted to be able to repair your snake, not send you away.
Still with me?
Now, all that being said, don't you think that if I had had any solid idea what to do I would have done it? Why might I have you pick it up to take somewhere else otherwise?
Got that?
Good. Because I was afraid I might have to repeat it.

A lack of understanding

One of the fascinating things about repairing drain cables and equipment are the the laments which I hear along the way. At times I wonder if people ever actually think about what they say.

Broken cables always just break. The operator never ever put too much pressure on it. Never ever.

They were simply feeding it into the drain line and it broke. One fella even claimed, I am not making this up, that he just looked at his machine and the cable snapped. Of course, he was kinda ugly...but the customer's point is that most cable breakages supposedly occur though absolutely no fault of the operator. Right.

A favorite of mine is the question, why did my machine break? It is often asked with incredulity. My answer is, I think, obvious. Everything is subject to break. Nothing made by human hands lasts forever. Your equipment, your cars, your refrigerator; they all break, and sometimes we just don't know why. How can you be shocked by that? Of course, if I see a definite reason why something went wrong I will tell you. But often things just go bad.

Then there's the equally incredulous, it was working and then it just stopped! Again, why are you surprised? Everything works until it doesn't. It's not a shocker.

Sometimes I just sigh about it. Other times I blog about it. Today is your lucky day.

Did you not hear me?

Over the years of repairing drain snakes, I've had to replace a few motors. Having a bit of a lazy streak, I have allowed most of the bad motors to accumulate in a pile at the back the old barn. Eventually I'll take them to the junk yard, but for for now, they just sit there.

About a week ago a customer was looking them over and asked about one in particular. It was a fresh addition to my collection, one I had replaced only a day or so before. It looked fairly new in fact, although it was about ten years old. "What's wrong with this one?" he inquired.

"The windings are bad. It heats up and blows fuses," I explained.

He asked, "Can I have it? I'm good at fixing things."

I let him have it. "Sure. Knock yourself out." He wasn't going to be able to fix it, but whatever. It would be out of my hair.

Yesterday he returned to the Shop for a couple of things. At one point he proudly said, "You know that motor I got from you? I got it running."

Admittedly if only vaguely impressed, I responded, "Cool."

"But one thing: it heats up in about two minutes and cuts out my breaker. Why do you suppose is that?"

My response was an exasperated and obvious, "The windings are bad."

"Oh, okay. I'll play with is some more," he said.

Play with it all you want, buddy. But you won't be able fix it; the windings are bad. Just like I told you.

The good bad ting

You're about to learn something about drain snake repair, but I'm sure it's a lesson which can be equitably applied to any and all repairs, whether at work or in the household.

The SC-10-A drive shaft on an Electric Eel Model C is held in place with (2) 5/16 allen screws. Most of the time they come loose easily. Yet as all things made by human hands, things don't always go according to plan. In the case of these screws, they sometimes seize. When that happens you either heat them with a torch in an attempt to coax them out, or do what I do. Put a length of pipe over the top of the allen wrench, a 'cheater' as me Pops taught me, to give you greater leverage turning the wrench. Now, I know there is a school of thought that you should never ever, ever use a cheater bar. Well, me Grandpa Joe and me Pops both believed in them, so I believe in them. So there.

Anyways, you turn the wrench with the cheater, increasing pressure as you go, and one of three things will happen. You will either (A) break the allen wrench, (B) strip the allen head on the screw, or (C) you will hear a tiny but sharp little 'ting' exactly as the wrench turns suddenly. That ting is either good or bad. But usually its good. Usually it means that screw has broken loose and you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Your job will soon be over.

The good bad ting. Listen for it when you do your own repairs.

Don't go Mungo on anyone

No, Mungo! Never kill a customer! -from Monty Python's Dirty Fork sketch

Those are certainly words to live by. I have never come close to killing a customer. At least, so far as the police know. But I have snapped at a couple of them.

Several years ago during a period when we were extremely busy and running about one week to ten days behind in repairs a guy walked into the old barn. He had a machine which wasn't running and wanted me to take a look at it. I said I would, but that if it required anything serious he'd have to leave it and I'd get to it as soon as I could.

I followed him out to his van and he produced a little General Sewerooter Junior which had wires hanging out of the motor in a terrible jumble. A real bird's nest, my Pops used to say. It would have taken an hour simply to sort everything out, to get all the wiring back in place so that I might then start diagnosing the real problem. I shook my head and said to the man, "You're going to have to leave that with me."

He began, "Well all you have to do is,"

But I cut him off right there. "Then you do it," I replied, admittedly rather harshly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Then you do it," I repeated. "If it's all that simple, why are you bringing it to me? Why don't you have it done already?"

To this day I stand by that. Why are you bringing it to me if it's so danged easy? Why are you wasting both of our times?

I didn't kill him, but I haven't seen him since either.