I haven't watched much football in recent years. Indeed I'm slowly growing sour on sports in general, yet that is a rant for another day. Don't fret over it, valued readers. You'll be delivered that fascinating screed soon enough.
The past week I've fought a nasty cold, and consequently have spent a lot of time in bed. As such, with it being bowl season and all, I've drifted into several college and professional football games on TV. Lord knows there's enough of them.
It seems to me that the guys in the stripes, and in the replay booth, and at the various home offices of the various leagues, sure make a helluva lot of decisions about what actually happens in the matches.
There's often an insane amount of discussion about whatever just occurred right in front of everyone's faces and by millions through TV and streaming. Is it a catch? The refs have to figure that out. Was that a penalty? The officials have to conference over it. Did the player fumble? Did he break the plane of the goal? Was he outside the tackle box? Was the player's knee, or elbow, or some other common part of the human anatomy, on the ground before the ball became loose? All this requires analysis, emphasis on...the first two syllables, with an important change of inflection. Then there's my very favorite inquiry of all: Did the player make a football move?
Did he make a football move? What kind of a question is that? He's a football player on a football field running a football play in a football game. By definition every move every player makes during the course of the action is a football move. What is a football move? What is not a football move?
One of the reasons I like baseball better than football is that we know what a catch is without explanation. Safe or out? It's one or the other regardless of what of any umpires caucus may assert. If football officials have to tell me what I just saw, I'd rather watch The Twilight Zone. At least Rod Serling admits he's playing mind games.
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